The estimated reading time for this post is 2 minutes.

First, to answer Amber’s question in this week’s episode: No, I don’t think she and Susan would have gotten to know each other through me.

My biggest what-if is “What if I didn’t go to a private Christian college and went to a state school instead?” The whole course of my life would have been different.

I would have had scholarships, probably enough to cover my whole education, which would have opened different paths for me. Because of those paths and the lack of crushing student debt, I may not have gone to grad school and may have gone to somewhere to do an internship. I could have focused more narrowly in undergrad on something I loved. I doubt my major would have been different, but the variety of things I could have studied within that major would have been broader. I could have discovered something I loved sooner and devoted more of my life to it. I would have left the church sooner, guaranteed. Too many challenging views outside the bubble I chose.

I wouldn’t have met my husband, I would have had sex before I was 24. I wouldn’t have lived in the places I’ve lived; I wouldn’t have met my boyfriend. I may have discovered that I prefer a poly relationship model sooner than I did. I may or may not have met the other ladies of TVV; I started reading the books we all read before college, though the only reason I found the site is because I was a lonely, sad college freshman with no friends who felt really isolated and was looking for something. Maybe I still would have been that lonely, sad college freshman, but maybe it would have been years later that I found the site and the people who helped make me who I am today.

The people I’ve known on this path of life have been mostly amazing. My husband, boyfriend, best friends, this podcast, my current job that I love, the entire course of my life, hell, even the cats I’ve had. What would I give up to have significantly less student debt and a better college education? I’m honestly not sure. The debt has been a sword dangling over my head for a decade plus. What would life be like if I didn’t have that, if I didn’t have to send half of my paycheck to pay it each month? What could I do? Where could I go?

That’s my what if. What about yours, dear reader? What’s a turning point in your life that could have changed everything?