The estimated reading time for this post is 1 minutes.

  • Incessant yelling for food.
  • Bare ass directly in my face.
  • Plop on my lap.
  • Don’t cover up their poop.
  • Walk on my pillow when I’m trying to sleep.
  • Assume that 4:15 is an appropriate time to wake up. Every day.
  • Knead my belly.
  • Touch her nose to my mouth.
  • Shed on my clothes.
  • Drink out of my glass.
  • Stick a foot in the water bowl and shake it around as if offended the water dared stick, making a mess in the process.
  • Weigh down the blankets so it’s impossible to crawl under or pull them up to my chin.
  • Need multiple beds throughout the house to cater to their incessant napping.
  • Insist on being in the bathroom with me when I’m using the toilet.
  • Watch the shower curtain while I’m showering, so that when I open it to grab my towel, she’s staring at me. Creepily.
  • Walk in front of the computer screen multiple times.
  • Snoring so loudly I can hear her from the other room.
  • Steal my pony tail holders (when I still needed them).
  • Insist the laundry closet always be open because you never know when you might have to dash in there to hide or retrieve a pony tail holder.
  • Try to trip me every time I walk anywhere, failing to realize that if I die, they’re not getting fed for another few hours when Husband wakes up.